Aidan is closing in on 18. Last night, we were talking about the trend of brand-new adults running out to get their first tattoos the moment they’re legal. When I turned 18, the big thing was to buy lottery tickets and avoid committing felonies. Now, it’s all about the ink.
Occasionally, she has brought up the subject, perhaps gauging our level of support or horror. Aidan mentions tattoos are okay “if they mean something significant” and I point out to her that what seems significant at 18 is rarely what will be significant at 25 or 40. They are a lifelong sentence, short of using laser beams. Everyone knows laser beams should be reserved for Death Stars, for maniacal villains to mount on the noggins of sharks, and for Pink Floyd laser shows at the Planetarium. No tattoo, no reason to sizzle yo’self.
During last night’s conversation, I asked her what she found significant. What “means something?” Nothing sprung to mind (perhaps nothing she wanted to share?). So, I proposed Mrs. Potts and Chip from Disney’s Beauty and Beast. When she was 4 or 5-years-old, she got small plastic versions in a Happy Meal and carried them around everywhere she went. She still has Mrs. Potts sitting on her desk. Chip is MIA. Everyone thought that was a great idea but Aidan. Then, the suggestions—complete with illustrations—came rolling in.
Teddy drew this guy. It’s a monster to put on her face. She appreciated the sentiment, but a monster tattoo on her face could be a barrier to future employment. As a mom, I am a fan of future employment. Teddy said he is not worried about future employment. Proof? He’s going to have Chick Hicks tattooed on his nose someday.
by Teddy, age 4
Beatrix was drawing cute animals and offered this tiger for her only sister’s consideration. It’s pretty adorable and Hello Kitty-esque.
by Beatrix, age 8
But by far the favorite of the night were Joel’s multiple suggestions revolving around ferrets. Aidan has never liked ferrets. Why he came up with ferrets is anyone’s guess, but they became a theme.
His first was a ferret surrounded by a heart. This was for her upper arm. “I don’t even like ferrets!” she wailed.
by Joel, age 11
The second was very meta. Post-modern, even. Joel’s idea was a ferret with a tattoo of a ferret with a tattoo of a ferret with a tattoo of a ferret. Such an impressive piece would have to go on her back to appreciate the full effect. If you think the movie Inception is trippy, imagine infinite ferrets on ferrets splotched on your child’s back forevermore. Don’t contemplate if someone got a tattoo of someone with ferrets tattooed on ferrets tattooed on ferrets.
by Leonardo DiCaprio*, age 47* (*rumor)
Finally, he suggested a small ferret hugging her big toe. This would only be seen by a few people. He couldn’t explain why a ferret would hug a big toe. I’m not even sure if you can tattoo the skin on the bottom of feet, but it’s a beautiful idea, no? If I ever get a tattoo, this will be the front runner.
Fire up the laser!
It means something.
These are all fantastic. I really hope she goes with the ferret toe if she does anything.
The ferret toe is a super cute idea. But ow! Maybe I have a thing about toes and feet, but there are a lot of nerves down there.
All I want are sharks with fricking laser beams attached to their heads!