Day One, 7:30 am
“You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.
“Hi! This is Gretchen Lifenut, Ryley Lifenut’s mom. He is in Mrs. Goodteacher’s second-grade class. He won’t be at school today due to a fever and a cough. Hopefully he’ll be better tomorrow. Thank you!”
Day Two, 8:05 am
“You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.
“Hi! This is Gretchen Lifenut. Ryley Lifenut won’t be at school today. He’s in Mrs. Goodteacher’s class. He still has a fever and a cough, plus a headache. I don’t know if he will be there tomorrow, sorry.”
Day Three, 8:24 am
“You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.
“Hello. Gretchen Lifenut here. Ryley Lifenut from Mrs. Goodteacher’s class won’t be at school today. I’m going to try to get him in to the doctor. Also Sam Lifenut won’t be at school today. He’s in Mrs. Remindsmeofmythirdgradeteacherwhowasreallystrict’s class. He has a tummyache and a cough. I don’t know how many days he’ll be out. Thanks!”
Day Four, 5:30 am
“You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.
“Hi, it’s me. Ryley, uh, Lifenut won’t be there today. Of course. He has pneumonia according to the doctor he saw yesterday afternoon. He’s on antibiotics. Oh, he’s in Mrs. Goodteacher’s class—theoretically. Sam Lifenut is coughing his head off too. Won’t be there. You don’t want him there. Aidan is also sick. She’s in Miss Ryleyhasasecretcrushonher’s class, fourth grade and she too has this fevery coughy thingy going on. When will they be back? Isn’t that the million dollar question? I’m not feeling so well myself. How are you? Oh yeah, sorry, recording.”
Weekend intermission
Day Five, 8:59 am
“You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.
“Sam Lifenut will be there! Yay! This is Gretchen, his mom, by the way. Unfortunately Ryley Lifenut and Aidan Lifenut won’t be joining him. They are still sick. I think I am going to try that Mucinex stuff you see on TV. You know, those commercials where the glob of mucus wearing a tanktop and a combover throws a party for all his mucus globule friends? So gross, but I’ve heard good things about it. One of my fr-” Oops, cutoff by the machine. Redial.
“Me, again. I forgot where I left off? Basically, Aidan and Ryley won’t be there. I hope maybe one or both of them will be there tomorrow. Okay. Thanks. Did I mention this is Gretchen Lifenut?”
Day Six, 6:31 am
“You have reached Neighborhood Elementary School’s attendance line. Please leave a message with your student’s name, class, reason for absence and number of days absent. Thank you.” Beep.
“No, Joel, I won’t put syrup on your Pop Tart. Oh, hi, it’s Gretchen Lifenut again. Aidan from Miss Ryleyhasasecretcrushonher’s class won’t be there. Still with the cough. Says her feet feel funny, too. I’ll call you tomorrow. Or you can call me, if you want. We should have lunch sometime!”
Oh, poor girl. But that was so funny.
Great new design!
ROFL, sorry to laugh at your expense. Great post!
Classic!
I clicked over from Shannon (Rocks in my Dryer), and I’ll be back.
Blessings!
Tooooooo funny. Funny because it’s true.
“No Joel, I won’t put syrup on your pop tart. Oh hi…”
I’m still laughing…only because I’ve been there, done that… Way. Too. Many. Times.
That is stinkin’ hilarious!!
Oh-Man. That is rough!
I feel your pain, there are 3 down in ours and by the way, one of your Rylies has his last name and not Lifenut…
I hope you all start feeling better sooN!
I like the new look of your blog!
JoAnn
Although “Caring-for-sickies-nonstop induced Psychosis” can be highly amusing, I hope everybody starts feeling better soon!!
Thank you for this post. Funny! Hope everyone is feeling better now (and you included!).
Oh wow, that was so funny! I hope everyone’s back to their normal selves soon!
Oh that’s funny!!!
marcia in Tx
I read about you on Rocks in my Dryer and she was right! You are a riot! I hope the kids are all back in school, you poor thing!
Oh my lands… yesterday I picked up my daughter from school with the same symptoms. Yep, we’re still here this morning with the fever/cough/sick tummy crud. What was the name of that gross stuff again? I think I’m going to need it. And why don’t you just call me instead of lunching with the recording… Girl, we can talk!
Hope you got your brood back into school and that you’re feeling fine and dandy…
Hi,
I came over here from Shannon’s place. I stuck around for a while and read many of your posts on pregnancy loss. We have two children ages 3 &2 (birthdays coming up to make them 4 & 3) and we lost a baby in September. I just wept when I read your posts.
Thank you for writing so much of what I feel. Especially the post on the candle – and feeling so out of whack because there should be another baby. I cannot believe my sweet little boy is going to be 3 in March and he does not have a younger sibling!
I am filled with hope that you now have baby Beatrix. I hope and pray that God will bless our family with another baby (or 6!!!) to love!!
I think I peed my pants – can’t wait to get there (wait, did I just say that). Hope you are okay and when they are all back at school – take a long bubble bath or something.
I am still laughing as I type this . . . tears were rolling down my cheeks, I laughed so hard! You have such a hilarious writing style. Thanks for giving me something to laugh about after a hard day at work. Have a nice weekend!
I feel a little guilty laughing at your expense but I can’t help myself.
Hope they’re all (and you, too) are feeling better!
I found you while reading Shannon’s site. She was right, you are hilarious! Thank you for brightening my day with such a funny post. I can’t wait to read more!
~TaunaLen
I came here from “Rocks In My Dryer”. Great post. Thanks for the laugh.
Snort, snort! You are better than me! I don’t even call in anymore, I let them call me! No way am I getting up early to call, since I have usually been up most of the night with a sick child!
Was pointed in this direction by Shannon.
Hilarious post. Can’t wait until my kids are school-age.
“We should have lunch sometime!”
Ahahaha!