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A list of anniversary gifts, Lifenut-style

What if anniversary gifts were based on what happened during our various years of marriage? I thought about what would have made appropriate gifts. Here’s my list with Traditional, Modern, and Lifenut:

First Anniversary: Traditional is paper. Modern is clocks. Lifenut is diapers.

Second Anniversary: Traditional is cotton. Modern is china. Lifenut is a double stroller.

Third Anniversary: Traditional is leather. Modern is glass. Lifenut is cardboard boxes for moving.

Fourth Anniversary: Traditional is fruit/flowers. Modern is appliances. Lifenut is diapers in 3 different sizes.

Fifth Anniversary: Traditional is wood. Modern is silverware. Lifenut is a minivan.

Sixth Anniversary: Traditional is candy/iron. Modern is wood. Lifenut is a puppy.

Seventh Anniversary: Traditional is wool/copper. Modern is desk sets. Lifenut is another minivan.

Eighth Anniversary: Traditional is bronze/pottery. Modern is linens/lace. Lifenut is a gift card for gasoline.

Ninth Anniversary: Traditional is pottery/willow. Modern is leather. Lifenut is kleenex/hospital bills/new house.

Tenth Anniversary: Traditional is tin/aluminum. Modern is diamond jewelry. Lifenut is Beatrix! (she was born the next day)

Eleventh Anniversary: Traditional is steel. Modern is fashion jewelry. Lifenut is a Suburban.

Twelfth Anniversary: Traditional is silk/linen. Modern is pearls. Lifenut is dinner out at Culver’s Butter Burger.

Thirteenth Anniversary: Traditional is lace. Modern is textiles/fur. Lifenut is stays in the NICU and California. California was more fun.

Fourteenth Anniversary: Traditional is ivory. Modern is gold jewelry. Lifenut is another lovely newborn, Teddy.

Fifteenth Anniversary: Traditional is crystal. Modern is watches. Lifenut is another puppy.

Sixteenth Anniversary: Traditional is also crystal. Modern is silver holloware. It sounds like something that could transport us to the moon. Alas, we did not receive holloware. Lifenut is another lovely newborn, Oliver.

Seventeenth Anniversary: Traditional is still that dang crystal. Apparently, there are no new traditional gifts for anniversaries 15-19. Modern is furniture. Lifenut was peace, quiet and letting our kids babysit themselves. 3 teenagers = handy.

Eighteenth Anniversary: Traditional is crystal—again. My imaginary handmade chandelier is spectacular. Modern is bronze. Lifenut is today.

Today, my husband and I are celebrating 18 years of marriage. What a man, what a marriage, what a pile of gifts.

So young. So oblivious.

So young. So oblivious.

September 7th, 2014 | Tags: , | Category: Life | 3 comments

Hello from Hello Kitty’s Mom

Late last night, the news broke. The internet went wild. Bafflement ensued. The masses learned Hello Kitty is not actually a Felis catus sporting a Redis Hairbowis near her pointy little ear. Many expressed shock and wonderment at the news. Of course Hello Kitty is a cat. She has ears and whiskers! Next, you’ll be telling us that Goofy is not a kangaroo.

It turns out Hello Kitty is a third grader named Kitty White.

As I read about Hello Kitty, it slowly dawned on me. I am the mother of Hello Kitty. Of course, there are a few inconsistencies but the main facts are this:

~ Beatrix is in third grade. So is Hello Kitty.

~ Beatrix’s nickname since birth has been “Kitty Cat” or just “Kitty.” In fact, we call her “Kitty” more than we call her Beatrix sometimes. I wake her up every morning by saying, “Kitty, time to get up Kitty-girl!”

~ Our last name is White, too.

~ Hello Kitty loves apple pie. Beatrix’s favorite food is apples and she even had an apple themed birthday when she was four.

In the spirit of fairness, Beatrix is not a Scorpio and my name is not Mary. Also, we do not live in England. And Beatrix is not a twin. Sure, some of these might point away from my contention, but put these things aside! Don’t we do that all the time when it comes to all kinds of current events? Believe what supports your worldview!

Here is a spate of photos that offer more proof:

Beatrix's first birthday cake and party had a cat theme in honor of her nickname.

Beatrix’s first birthday cake and party had a cat theme in honor of her nickname.

Her love of Hello Kitty began around age 2.5, quite early. Here is Beatrix's 3rd birthday cake.

Her love of Hello Kitty began around age 2.5, quite early. Here is Beatrix’s 3rd birthday cake.

Beatrix's room is a museum to Hello Kitty and cats.

Beatrix’s room is a museum to Hello Kitty and cats.

Here are a few more Hello Kitty items I collected this morning in about 4 seconds.

Here are a few more Hello Kitty items I collected this morning in about 4 seconds.

See? Third grade.

See? Third grade.

When the kids woke up this morning, I broke the news to them. I was met with blank stares and little reaction. “We know.” I wondered how they were privy to the information before the rest of the world. Of course, it was through a video game. They used to play an Xbox game called Hello Kitty: Roller Rescue back in the day. “We read her bio. She isn’t a cat. She’s a girl.”

I told Beatrix she might actually be Hello Kitty and she simply laughed at me and said “Not even!”

Maybe she’s right. Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth.

August 28th, 2014 | Tags: , , | Category: Little Ones | 3 comments

How to Make a Fun and Easy Mario and Luigi Cake

Teddy had a very difficult time deciding what kind of cake he wanted for his fourth birthday. He swung from Thomas the Tank Engine to Mario Kart to Oscar the Grouch. He even proposed incorporating all three into a complicated and bizarre cake where trains, Italian plumbers, and grouches live in harmonic world of sugar, buttercream, and a complicated set of tunnels for travel. I told him I was not able to grant that wish. I’m a mortal mommy.

Finally, I made the executive decision to make a Nintendo cake. He adores Mario Kart and the family of characters. I had an idea for a cake that would be very simple and hopefully super fun.

nintendobirthdaycake_1

It was easy to assemble. I ordered the six Nintendo figurines from Amazon. The set includes Mario, Luigi, Donkey Kong, Yoshi, Toad, and Princess Peach. They are solid plastic and could be fun toys after the birthday was over.

I baked two 9-inch rounds of strawberry cake, then frosted it with a typical buttercream frosting. To make the platform Mario, Luigi, and Donkey Kong are standing on, I frosted a single raised donut and put it on top of the cake.

The gold coins were purchased from a candy store. They were tall enough to surround the donut. I opened the foil a tiny bit and slid a toothpick inside, then resealed the foil. I stuck the toothpicks in the cake around the frosted donut.

nintendobirthdaycake_3

Then, I arranged the Nintendo figurines where I thought they’d look cute, putting his favorites on top in a place of honor. They were heavy, so I had to press them into the thankfully-thick bed of frosting. If you make the cake, make sure you have plenty of frosting so they don’t tip over. I put the cake in the refrigerator so the frosting would harden and took it out right before we sang.

nintendobirthdaycake_2

Teddy was thrilled with his cake! He loved it and so did the other kids.

August 25th, 2014 | Tags: , , , , , , , | Category: Food, Life, Little Ones | 3 comments
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