How to write a movie review for a movie everyone has already seen

1. Acknowledge everyone has seen the movie being reviewed. In this case, it’s Pixar’s Finding Nemo 3D.

2. Add personal touch. Finding Nemo was first released on May 30, 2003. It was the first movie Sam saw in a theater and it scared the ever-living snot bubbles out of his core. The worst scene happens in the first 5 minutes. After that, it was mostly smooth sailing. Joel was born in October 2003, so that means Finding Nemo is as old as a third grader.

3. Promise there is something new. Finding Nemo 3D looks like it was soaked in Oxyclean. The animation was already stunning. The 3D version is brighter, fresher, with depth and it lends itself well to being re-rendered in 3D. For some movies, it makes no sense. I’m thinking Beauty in the Beast: Mrs. Potts…IN YOUR FACE. Lumiere…IN YOUR FACE. Yellow ball gown…IN YOUR FACE. But with Nemo, the undersea-scape, the action sequences, the colors. It’s all just wow and it actually makes sense.

4. Excitedly announce the 3D is so well-done, you won’t get a headache from watching it. I’ve been to several 3D movies. Many left me feeling like I just spent 2 hours hitting myself on the head with a meat tenderizer. No headache from Nemo!

5. Tempt potential theatergoers with a rave review of the Pixar short which airs before the main event. Oh my word! It’s called Partysaurus Rex and it’s joyous, boisterous, funny, clever—everything you’d expect from a Pixar short. You’ll see familiar faces from the Toy Story franchise, but the real stars are Rex and his new friends. The cost of a 3D ticket is worth it alone for the short.

6. Appeal to the movie buff and savvy media consumer in all of us. Finding Nemo, in 3D or not, is just a good, tight, well-done, poignant story. You probably own the DVD. But seeing it on the big screen gives it a sort of majesty. It’s place on the scroll of animated classics is sealed. Give your younger kids the chance to see it on a grand scale. It’s something special.

Finding Nemo 3D opens on Friday, September 14, 2012.

(I was given tickets to a screening. The opinions are mine, all mine.)