After school, the kids enjoy running amok in our backyard. I like it.
I could live without our dachshund/Australian shepherd mix, Junie, barking her vocal chords into oblivion while the kids are playing. Because of her nature, she loves circling the kids as they tear around the grass, shouting orders at them.
Junie belongs on a ranch, not a suburban backyard.
Consequently, neighbors have complained about her barking over the years. Animal control has visited us, twice. She is much better now that she is older, but we remain hyper-vigilant about excessive barking. Certain activities make her barkier than others, including games of tag and light saber battles. I think she equates the whirl of noisy activity with a stampede of sheep heading toward a seaside cliff.
It must be stopped.
After school today, the kids were in the backyard spinning with an umbrella. This infuriated the Junie. I called her inside.
Three seconds later, a kid opened the door to shout to another kid they were missing out on all the fun. Junie escaped.
I called her inside.
Three seconds later, kid-left-out opened the door to join in umbrella twirling. Junie escaped.
I called her inside and told her to lie in her bed. She did, but she looked at me like I was smoking crack.
I heard the back door slide open. A kid came inside for a drink and Junie bolted for the door, barking commands to cease! Cease!
I followed, telling the kids to stop opening the door. I clapped and whistled for Junie to come inside.
“Get in your bed!” I ordered.
She complied, again, looking at me sidelong and panting.
I went to fill her water bowl, which she promptly began to lap.
We both heard it and looked at each other. The door, sliding.
A kid needed a toy. Junie saw her chance.
“Guys! Please! Keep the door closed!” I bellowed, becoming the Mom Who Bellows Out the Back Door. “Junie! COME!” I added as an before, during, and afterthought because I knew I’d be doing it again.
She did, reluctantly.
I locked the door to keep the kids outside. If they truly needed in, they’d bang and scream, “Mommy, you locked us out!” for all the neighbors to hear. I didn’t care.
I forgot about the kid still inside, who had been in his room. He decided to join the game of Capture the Umbrella and he took a furry black maniac with him.
“BarkitybarkbarkrooooobarkerbarkyBARK!”
This time, I got her to come in with just the look on my face. To punctuate, I raised my eyebrows and made eye contact with each and every kid in the yard, except the one hiding under the umbrella.
I slid the door shut like I was closing a hatch door on the sinking Titanic. Junie slunk to her bed.
I really thought it was over. I really thought I was done.
I had to take a puff from my inhaler.
I went upstairs. From my bedroom window came the frantic bawlings of our working dog. I think I could understand Dog for a split second. She was saying: “Your noises and colorful stick circle thing intrigue me, as does your frantic motion and convulsive dodging and flailing about in the grasses. I thank you for continually freeing me to join in the spectacle and pageantry of your Mother making an ass of herself in front of the neighbors! Please, mind my excrement there and there and there. Or don’t.”
I practically rolled down the stairs like a serial killer was after me.
I flung open the door and blustered, “WHO LET THE DOG OUT!?”
And they looked at me and laughed.
And I did, too.
WHOO! WHOO!
hahahahaha
Don’t ya just LOVE those mom moments? And the BAHA men for recording that song? lol
Absolutely priceless, I tell ya.
We have a dachshund and she just barks her fool head off, too! She is 10 years old and getting older has not helped her barking one bit! Maybe its the breed! Funny! And my kids can’t keep the door closed either!
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I don’t have a dog. But I two have two abnormally dumb cats. They pee on stuff. On the other hand, they ARE pretty quiet.
Rebecca’s last blog post..Some Questions For Internetland
Oh gosh, for this very reason we no longer have our dogs. I grew up with dachshunds and oh do I know that bark. But reading this was so very entertaining!
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..oh so pretty
Oh my gosh I am laughing so hard at this!!!
“We both heard it and looked at each other. The door, sliding. ” I could totally see it as I read that!
And as I saw you and Junie looking at each other with that door sliding open, I heard the whistle song from “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.”
Ann’s last blog post..Stay Free
I’ve been thinking that the reason our Australian Shepherd mutt barks so much is because she’s mostly blind, but now you’ve got me thinking that it’s just because she’s an Australian Shepherd.
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LOL
Honey, you can weave a story like nobody I know…
Rocks In My Dryer’s last blog post..“Theirs Is a Desperate Vigil…”
Ha ha! You had me at, “I locked the door to keep the kids outside.” That is a desperate move — and the dog STILL won.
Kids and dogs! They make for great stories 🙂
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I love the way you write. It’s like looking at your personal snapshots – ordinary and captivating at the same time.
LOL, what a crazy time. What about putting a leash on so she can lay in her bed. Would that keep her in while the kids are running in and out?
My dh goes crazy over the neighbors barking dogs. One neighbor has 2, the other 3, the other 4. Two of the neighbors dogs only bark when they are not home, but it can go on easily for 4-6 hours straight while they are gone. You’d think they’d get tired of barking.
The other neighbor is actually louder yelling at her dogs than the dogs are barking. Of course when she starts clapping for her dogs to come back, my dog starts barking. I find that annoying.
My dh will call the neighbors or email them when it goes on for hours, but never call animal control or anything. We had neighbors who didn’t like our kids playing in the backyard because it made THEIR dogs bark. Sometimes you just can’t win.
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This is a classic. You know it’s a marathon kid/dog/mom/door battle when you have to take a puff off the inhaler. Poor, poor Junie. Sheep herding is her destiny.
And what is more fun than an umbrella?
From,
a fellow door locker
Heth’s last blog post..Mom
Oh, that is just too funny! I bet there was a neighbor or two laughing as well. 🙂
I just loved this post. I could picture the whole thing. Poor herding dogs. What is she to do?
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Oh, you’ve got me giggling with this one, Gretchen. Love it! Keep tellin’ stories, mama.
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I’m cracking up here. I love your stories.
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Oh…I’m so, SO with you on the barking thing. Our weiner dog barks its head off one day, and the next just sleeps all day on the couch. I think he may have a mood disorder 🙂
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ROFL!!!!!!! Oh the lives we lead….I bet you got nothing done that afternoon either. My dog loves to bark at the neighbors dog (we have a chainlink fence). She only wants to play I tell those kids. They yell at her to stop…does no good. She is not trained through yells. ROFL! So I do the same thing…”nala, come inside”..door open, out she goes……the cyclical pattern continues until the neighbors put their poor dog back in the kennel till the next time.