A friend emailed this verse to me yesterday: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34
I am one of those people who tends to worry about tomorrow, next week, and next Christmas. Finally, I have been given the gift of not having to worry about tomorrow. Today certainly has sufficient trouble. I would go a step farther than sufficient, calling the trouble of today hyper-adequate with the bonus feature of huge heartbreak potential.
I am not very positive about today’s ultrasound. I truly wish I could be the paragon of grace and bravery as I contemplate today.
When I signed up for this trip, I knew this could happen. Nobody booked their Titanic voyage expecting to only make it as far as Latitude 41 degrees 46’N, Longitude 50 degrees 14’W. They were aiming for Latitude 40 degrees 39′ N, Longitude 73 degrees 47′ W. I was hoping for early February.
Reading back over this, I realize it sounds like it is a done deal. That today will be a formality. That I have the power to see inside my body or know thriving when I feel it. Clearly, I don’t. I had no clue I was pregnant with twins. I had no clue one of the twins had already died. “No clue” seems to be the phrase in the parentheses after my name is typed out.
I hope I can come home and finally look up whether or not my due date is on Super Bowl Sunday. I’d like to put an ultrasound picture on the refrigerator so I can smile at my surviving bean whilst getting popsicles out for anxious big brothers and a big sister.
God, help me.
You’ve been on my heart & in my prayers.
Your post reminds me of an early morning psalm of lament, like David’s…you know, the guy after God’s own heart.
Run to Abba, Father. My prayer is that He’ll wrap you in His arms, just as your hubby does with your little ones to comfort them when they hurt. Also that you will be able to rest in the comfort of the Holy Spirit, just as you would snuggle into a comforter when you’re sick.
On a lighter note, how long did it take you to find those Titanic stats? Nice job.
Psalm 25
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Holding you and your little one close in prayer today.
You were the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning. I hope and pray that you get wonderful news today. You and your bean will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I have been thinking of you all morning and will continue to do so the rest of the day. P&PT…
I went to sleep praying for you and continued praying when I woke up this morning. You and your bean are on my heart/mind. ((( hugs )))
Thinking of you.
You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers all day. No matter what the outcome, God is holding you in His hands.