The three big kids were taken to school today by an adequate mother. Their lunches? Adequate fuel for the final three hours of school. Their clothing? Reasonably seasonal. Hair? Charmingly out of place, rascally ragamuffinesque and Huck Finnish. They were on time, arriving smartly between Bell #1 and Bell #2.
The three little kids at home are being cared for by an adequate mother. Their socks match. Diapers are frequently changed. Hot dogs cooked in the microwave and a can of peaches mean tummies are topped-off for a couple of hours. They don’t notice lunch is served on paper plates, again. It’s downright luxurious, considering their waffles were served on paper towels this morning. Adequate mommy is thinking about serving tonight’s soup-dinner in paper Darth Vader bowls found at SuperDuperTarget for 75% off.
Everything stops when baby taps mommy’s adequate milk supply. The satelite beams adequately educational shows into an adequately clean living room. The La-Z-Boy in the corner rocks mommy and newborn. Two little boys tussle on the carpet, stopping to declare all the toys seen in commercials as worthy of Christmas list inclusion, except for Barbie and Baby Alive. They suggest the baby girl in mommy’s arms may want a Barbie for Christmas.
Maybe someday.
Someday the kids will arrive at school before Bell #1. Their sack lunches will feature freshly cut carrot sticks and peanut butter spread with mellow love, not the frantic spackling of a half-baked Vegas stucco contractor. Their hair will be styled as if every day were Picture Day. The homework in their backpacks will cycle back home with gold stars and big smiley faces—the effort will be apparent to their incredibly patient teachers.
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner will be served on Pfatzgraff Mountain Shadow plates. Cleaning the kitchen will require more than a 13 gallon white kitchen trash bag.
We’ll go to story time at the library and we’ll romp in the park. The kids will be clueless about the latest toys and breakfast cereals and new animated movies featuring potty-mouthed gophers/bears/deer/raccoons/rainbow trout/lions who are on the loose in New York City/national forests/exotic islands/Wisconsin/your backyard trying to tip over outhouses/exact revenge on evil furriers/foil real estate developers/find their inner cub.
I am living on the line where adequate and ambitious meet, eye each other suspicously, and finally shake hands (but not firmly).
Sometimes, with a newborn in the house, being adequate is the most ambitious thing a mommy can be.
Spoken like a true mother. Loved the bit about the animated movies – almost made me choke on my apple!!! I am sure the kids feel it is all more than adequate – that it is just right!!!
Your “adequate” sounds a lot better than many’s best efforts. I’m sure your kids feel warm, safe and loved. That’s all that really matters.
Oh how good it is to not feel alone in this matter!! I can relate, minus half the little ones in your nest! I don’t think *anyone* could have possibly articulated this better.
Is it fair to say I enjoyed knowing I am not the only one??? What a great post!
HI.I’m here via Stephanie (Adventures in babywearing).
Wonderful. I think I’m barely adaquate with only one toddler in the house.
Your adequate is inspiring to me. May we all be so gentle with ourselves.
I love your last line:
Sometimes, with a newborn in the house, being adequate is the most ambitious thing a mommy can be.
This is me every day right now. It is so nice to see this in print and be able to shake my head and say “yup, exactly”.
Well, I have one child and I was losing patience with her last night. You are more than adequate, my dear. 🙂
I loved this post.
My “newborn” is now four, and I’m still not always sure I’m adequate! Forgotten lunches, messy hair, unbrushed teeth, and Cartoon Netword just HAPPEN sometimes in my world. And still the kids survive.
Again Mopsy, so well said.
A very hearty Amen! 🙂
Great post!
I have yet to meet a mother (and I AM one now!) who is as ‘adequate’ as they want to be! We all feel inadequate alot of the time. But our kids personalities, manners and values are all proof of our successful parenting! Adequate is good too!
Hi – I found you through Adventures in Babywearing. What a wonderful post! I love how you wrote it and I think it really speaks for a lot of moms out there.
My thoughts exactly! This was so refreshing. Thank you for pointing out that we could all be a lot easier on ourselves than we are.
I really needed to read this post. Visit me to see why. Thanks.
I love this post. I love this blog. Where have you been all my motherling days? LOL…. I just had a little one too. I had no idea what two would be like. I can’t imagine more….. when I sleep through the night I’ll imagine :).
I’ll be back!
What a wonderful way of looking at life. Amen, sister. My pathetic neglegence of the past few weeks seems much less when you change out “neglegence” for “adequate.”
I aspire to be adequate and dream about ambitious, and have no excuse.
Wow. I really needed this today. Of course, I don’t have a newborn so I’m not sure I get to use that as an excuse…
I’m adequate most days….you my friend are incredible.
Miss You! Would love to see more of little Beatrix.
JoAnn
ITA! Well said, Mopsy!
We just found out I am expecting our second. I was worried about not being able to do everything. After reading your post, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I don’t have to! Thanks.
This post was so much more than “adequate.”