Dear Gretchen,
It’s not that I want it this way.
It’s not that I relish being ostentatious and so deliberate, if you know what I mean.
In the past couple of weeks, I have become increasingly unwieldy to the point no shirt, sweater, or waistband can withstand my strength. You try to hide me, but nothing can squelch a Gestational Salute.
Yesterday was particularly bad. You inventoried baby clothes, which are stored in the basement in tubs and plastic bags. Unfortunately and mysteriously, some of those bags had become wet and the clothes were ruined. This put a huge damper on baby preparations, so you decided to remedy the disappointment with a dose of Target and thoughts of baby clothes on clearance.
You and your eldest daughter thought you were alone as you shopped, but you weren’t.
I was there.
You forgot about me until you noticed the bemused and sometimes alarmed eyes of strangers becoming entangled in my wide net. The lilac long-sleeved tee you wore did absolutely nothing to deny my existence. In fact, it only enhanced my attributes to their full effect.
You called me unkind names, in your head: The Knob. The Dial. Third-Eye, Second-Nose, Nozzle, Toggle, Ornamental Drawer Pull, Umbilicus Horriblus, The Groundhog Sees His Shadow, Corky, and The Watchtower.
I had the last word as you foolishly tried to pull your coat closed around me.
But don’t worry. Soon enough I’ll melt inward when your little passenger no longer forces me to say Howdy-Do to the world. I’ve never really been the same, anyway, since your first time around almost twelve years ago.
At least we have that understanding between us.
So, let’s stay friends.
Shake on it?
~Your Belly Button
The belly button love comes through loud and clear in this letter…oh, what we go through to bring these children into the world…
Hang in there!!
Llama Momma’s last blog post..first humbling moment of 2009
so funny! but mine never came out. crazy, right? and it wasn’t for a lack of trying as I gained 55lbs and my little man kicked the exact spot a thousands times a day!
bummer about the baby clothes but glad you found the target clearance solution!
Courtney’s last blog post..simply nesting saturdays…
LOL ~ Poor Gretchen! I hope you found some great deals!! What fun to shop though 😉
Dawn’s last blog post..Milestone and News
When I read this at Google Reader, I clicked over hoping for a picture! You know, my little Nicholas took a close look at my belly just few short weeks ago and announced, “I can see the baby’s nose!” Of course that was my belly button. On the upside, it’s easier to clean than ever, no?
Suzanne Temple’s last blog post..Still Here
Hilarious. So, so funny.
“nothing can squelch a Gestational Salute.”
Heth’s last blog post..She’s 12
I never really thought I’d ever read a blog post written from the perspective of a belly button!
When I was pregnant the first time, I remember asking a recent mother of twins what I could do to squelch my belly button’s insistent protrustion. She passed along some advice she had gotten to slap a band aid on it, but she admitted it never really worked for her. It didn’t for me either.
On the bright side, when it popped out, I discovered a mole on it that I got my dermatologist to remove!
That was great! And I have some of Declan’s newborn clothes you can have.
Robin’s last blog post..Happy New Year
Oh this is so funny – I hate the preg belly button!!! and all my older kids want to poke it – it’s a button right, which just sends me through the roof!!!
se7en’s last blog post..Saturday Spot: My Virtual Book Pile…
What a hoot. Your poor misunderstood bellybutton. I remember trying to tape mine down, not something I would recommend.
Sorry about the clothing but I’m glad Target was having a sale.
Fuuuuuuuuunny…
I told Rose the other day that she needed to put a band-aid on hers. She’s not even in the third trimester yet and it’s already standing at attention!
I hope you got some cutie-cute clothes at Target.
Jenni’s last blog post..pssst?just a little reminder?
oh so true – my belly button was obscene at the end, perhaps you spied it?!?
LOL!
Melanie’s last blog post..Day 4 of 365
Gestational Salute, LOL!
I’m sorry to hear your stash of baby clothes got ruined.
And I hope your labor goes well!
Damselfly’s last blog post..Sleep while the sleeping is good
You have a very amusing bellybutton, Gretchen. I always thought of it as the turkey timer – when it pops up, the baby’s done! So I looked forward to the little pop at the end, because then I knew the end was in sight.
Goslyn’s last blog post..Veiled
Isn’t it funny, I have always wanted my belly button to pop but it doesn’t. I’m sure you are just as cute as can be Mama!!
Kim’s last blog post..Questions?
Ha! I have never gotten that belly button. I could just imagine it though…it is the stuff of legends!
Can’t wait to hear of his arrival!
Rach’s last blog post..give it to me Google
You’re hilarious!
Happy clearance shopping for new baby clothes!
Kristin’s last blog post..Staycation
I always called mine “the timer”. When it popped, I knew that I was just about done!
Congrats on the new little one! I look forward to the arrival!
cyndi’s last blog post..I Am So Tickled!