The rehearsal

On Thursday, September 7th, my husband and I will celebrate the tenth anniversary of our marriage. In anticipation, I am re-running a three-part series I wrote last year. Today, I focus on the rehearsal. Tomorrow, the wedding. Wednesday, the honeymoon. Thursday, the day we’ve been husband and wife for ten years, I’ll post something new.

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Nine years ago I was serene. I was going to be married the next day.

We had a lot of last-minute details to address—white twinkly lights to deliberately hang so they looked effortless, centerpieces to fuss over, the rehearsal to attend. I welcomed the busy work because it would bring me closer to my silken, heirloomed, jeweled, glowing glory and the look I anticipated on my boyfriend’s face when he saw the woman who would husbandize him, big time.

I didn’t think about how I was going to be a wife the next day. I thought of wives as glorified girlfriends with greater responsibilities and nicer perks. I was going from Miss to Mrs., from fraulein to frau, from single to settled. I loved my boyfriend and was excited about taking such a huge step after our whirlwind romance. I believed then and now marriage is meant to be forever and had no jitters or doubts about our decision to unite.

I was so naive.

It is tradition to rehearse the ceremony the night before the wedding (we complied with all the instructions shouted at us by “Modern Bride” under the impression if we didn’t have handmade satin roses to hold bird seed all our guests would storm out in disgust). We gathered our wedding party and immediate families together to laugh through a faux ceremony before the obligitory dinner. We rehearsed the wedding. Nothing, however, can help you rehearse the marriage.

Imagine pretending to move, find out a baby is on the way, start a new job, end another job, have fights over silly things, have fights over major things, split holiday time with in-laws, worry about bills and money, travel, decorate, fight some more, make up, have a child, develop amnesia for several months after, work, struggle, pay bills, go back to work, find out another baby is coming, search for a different job, move, laugh, work, lose job, another baby, find a better job, work, bills, work, fight, make-up, play, work, illness, bills, baby, cry, illness, baby, baby, work, loss, move, illness, laugh, fight, make-up, grow, grow, grow.

As the pastor launches various spousal scenarios, bombshells, bills, and blowouts (of the diaper and news variety) most brides and grooms would run screaming for the door. Marriage is hard. It isn’t all romance and making each other deliriously happy with moonlight and roses. Those moments happen when we make them happen. It is hard work, but worthwhile and rewarding work.

Today is the anniversary of our rehearsal and I am still striving to get it right.

Tomorrow: The Wedding