I watch my son’s face as he explains the boy’s death was so horrible, he can’t say how it happened out loud.
They found him…do you mind if I don’t say? he asks.
Of course not.
He could tell me about the suicide and how the boy was put on a machine that kept his heart beating. But then the doctors and the mom and dad decided to turn it off. So he died.
The boy was his friend’s older cousin, a 17-year-old whose girlfriend broke up with him. He killed himself, which is called a suicide.
Have you heard of people doing that, mom?
I have, and I think it’s horrible for everyone. You can’t come back from it, ever.
My son’s friend was absent yesterday. He went to his cousin’s funeral. Today at school, the friend told classmates what happened and he cried a lot.
I think to myself maybe he should have stayed home another day. But tomorrow would come and a little boy, barely 10, would still find it baffling and impossible to get through a day without remembering his family tragedy.
It’s probably for the best he attended school on a grey Tuesday, late October, 2009.
It’s probably for the best he shared with his friends. How young is it too young to hear? When is a person too fragile to shoulder a burden? Too new to say I am sorry and mean it?
How many trips around the sun must someone take before they are ready to stand in a kitchen, on a grey Tuesday, late October, 2009, and hear from her little boy about a real death so horrible, it cannot be told or understood?
I’ll let you know when the sun tilts just right.
Unfathomable is right.
At four, Dacey wants to talk about death and dying a little bit more than I am comfortable with discussing. I struggle to find the balance between the truth and the age-appropriate truth.
I can only imagine how painful today’s conversation must have been.
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Wow, Gretchen. Just, wow. I am sorry too. And I mean it.
Oh, heartbreaking.
Steph
.-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..Things Are Good =-.
Oh what a huge thing to have to fathom… I am sure some things are just too big for us to understand ever… thinking of your little guy as he tries to figure this out. Lots of love…
.-= se7en´s last blog ..This Week (26 October) At Se7en… =-.
So, so very sorry. That is hard.
Oh how horrible. What a big thing for a little guy to try to wrap his mind around.
We have a church in town that does a memorial one week a year with little white crosses for the babies that are aborted. When we drive by, my kids ask what it’s all about. How do you explain that to a four year old? These things just weren’t meant to be.
.-= Heth´s last blog ..Preach =-.
So sad. I don’t have the words.
A daughter of a close friend committed suicide a year ago. I had to tell my kids, but they really don’t understand.
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Life is hard.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..A Little Bit About Me =-.
Wow Gretchen it will be very tough for your son to understand. When I was 10 my uncle committed suicide. I will never forget my parents trying to explain how this could happen. It is an event that change all of our lives. I just went on a field trip with my cousin’s wife, the son of my uncle, and this very conversation came up today. Many hugs to your son, I am sure he can not grasp why this would happen.
I’m so sorry. It truly is unfathomable.
.-= Beth – Total Mom Haircut´s last blog ..Pumpkins, Books, Apples and Sunshine =-.
Such a terrible and tragic thing. Difficult to process at any age, let alone these tender years that are so full of life and the promise of tomorrow.
I am not yet prepared to have such conversations. Wow, the heart-breaking sorrow for that family…
.-= Minnesotamom´s last blog ..Sunday Sunshine 10.25.09 =-.
There are not enough trips around the sun to prepare one for that afternoon. I have not had enough trips to be ready to know it myself, let alone see it in the eyes of a little boy.
I’m so sorry that the pain of this world has crept into his little world too. What a tough day.
.-= Sara Joy´s last blog ..Snapshot =-.
Sending out prayers to everyone involved. How sad.
.-= Shayne´s last blog ..What Do You Like to Drink on a Warm Day? =-.
As has already been written, you’re never prepared for that afternoon, or even prepared to understand suicide. My friend’s husband committed suicide the same day my grandma died. He was 28.
They are reeling, and I cannot fathom having to cope with such a tragic death. So sad.
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Week 279 & Week 280 =-.